Category: Sex Addiction

Inwardness, Marital Discord, and Porn

A positive, nurturing, etc. upbringing psychologically prepares a person to successfully meet the challenges that inevitably arise in an intimate relationship. I say inevitable because there will always be some friction at times between two people, no matter how well suited they are for each other. The other person in a relationship is another person, with his/her own needs, values, perspective, trigger points, moods, idiosyncrasies, foibles, quirks, blind spots, and so on. No one’s needs, wants, etc. are fulfilled 100% of the time by one’s partner or spouse. Thus all relationships are challenging in certain ways and degree. Read more

Is Porn Bad For You?

Is Porn Bad For You? I’m talking about the videos you watch on the internet. I’m not interested here in examining what distinguishes artistic rendering or examination of human sexuality from porn or in examining if porn is simply a term of disapproval on the part of someone for something that another person does not find objectionable. Again, I’m talking about what you watch online that is commonly understood as porn.

Read more

man thinking about when to seek therapy

The Identified Patient

I typically meet men who describe problematic sexual behavior following an ultimatum given by their wife to get into treatment or else. They have been discovered. Their wife wants their sexual addiction treated. The men are sitting in my office because they want the marriage to continue. Why they want the marriage to continue, is frequently not that clear. There are often children, money, and property involved. Reputation is involved. The prospect of losing their familiar way of life is not attractive. Read more

Is Sex Addiction a Disease?

I have a friend who has diabetes. His pancreas does not produce enough insulin to keep him healthy or even alive. He would die without injections of insulin. He lives in and is dependent on his body as automatic, self-regulating, cause-effect machine, just as we all do. He is no more responsible for the workings of his pancreas than for a solar flare, the weather, the temperature at which water boils, the atomic weight of hydrogen, etc. Read more

Sex Addiction Treatment

The goal of diagnosis is to formulate a realistic and adequate statement of what is the matter. Treatment has no direction without a grasp of what is ailing an individual. I have discussed my view of what is going on in sex addiction in a companion piece. As with all addictions, what is the matter in the case of sex addiction treatment must refer to what is actually driving the person’s insatiable need for the addictive activity and all the fantasizing, planning, arranging, plotting, and scheming that goes along with it. Read more

What Drives Sex Addiction?

Calling a behavior or activity an addiction connotes an insatiable yearning to engage in the behavior or activity. Sex addicts spend a lot of time and energy (and often money) looking for and engaging in sexual activity of some kind. A desire to have sex presumably needs no explanation; what needs explanation is the insatiable, driving, devil may care, indifferent to consequences character of the role of sex in the lives of some people.
Read more

Sex Addiction Treatment

The goal of diagnosis is to formulate a realistic and adequate statement of what is the matter. Treatment has no direction without a grasp of what is ailing an individual. I have discussed my view of what is going on in sex addiction in a companion piece. As with all addictions, what is the matter in the case of sex addiction treatment must refer to what is actually driving the person’s insatiable need for the addictive activity and all the fantasizing, planning, arranging, plotting, and scheming that goes along with it. Read more

Your Adult Relationship With Your Parents Could Be Your Most Consequential Adult Challenge

Time passes; you get older and become an adult. You have gone to college or not, you have a job, you make money, perhaps you are very successful, you get married and have children. You still have parents. They are, if this is the case, the toxic parents you grew up with. They have changed little if at all as you grew from childhood to adulthood. You have a life of your own as an adult, but your parents are still part of your life, still in your life. Read more

Addiction as a Marker of the problem

The title refers to a perennial disagreement among people who treat addictions of all sorts, namely whether to think of addiction (to alcohol or sex or anything else) as the problem (disease, disorder’) itself, or whether to think of addiction as one sign (and not the only one) of a problem that actually generates the addiction (as well as other signs, if one looks carefully).
Read more

What Stands Out about Addicts

First the usual caveat about ‘addiction’: It does not lend itself to precise definition. It is really is a term indicating use (substance or activity) on the part of someone that has come to stand out to others or the user him/herself as damaging well-being and which resists efforts to eliminate or modulate. It is consequential for treatment if the person using does not really (as opposed to lip service) see his/her use as ‘over the line’ in terms of self-harm.
Read more

How Does Change Occur in Psychotherapy?

I think it will be helpful to me and to prospective and beginning clients to try to provide an overview of how I think about …

Make-Believe in the Addiction Treatment Industry

Therapists shouldn’t be in the business of make-believe. There is a great deal of make-believe in the addiction treatment …